We know that many of our children are addicted to video games and electronic devices. The documented effects are:  obesity, irritability, decreased academic performance, increased laziness, decreased socialization with peers and family, over exposure to violence and overstimulation of the brain.

There are other issues that tie into these researched problems that are addressed here.

First of all, how do we know that our children are addicted to electronics?

If you ask you child to stop playing a computer game, texting or watching a video and he has a meltdown that consists of a temper tantrum: yelling, begging, and/or destroying property and is relentless in his quest-he is most likely addicted to electronics.

When parents attempt to get their kids to cut down or eliminate their screen time, children often suffer from mood swings, signs of anxiety and symptoms of depression.  These effects are similar to those struggling with drug withdrawal.

This addiction is preventing children from learning basic life skills.  The constant instant gratification they obtain from video games is not replicated once they are away from their smartphones.  It takes time to develop friendships, master an athletic skill, understand a history assignment and recover from a tragedy.

The addiction to electronics enables children to become disinterested in connecting with others and not having dreams of becoming a famous writer, a great teacher or anything else.  Dreaming about the future is a life skill that these kids don’t even take a glimpse at.

These children do not get excited about achieving goals; they see homework as a distraction from their screen time and they learn to resent it.  If they don’t understand an assignment immediately; they will either give up on it or hurry through the work leading to poor results.

In my psychotherapy practice, I see many children, mostly boys who have gradually stopped doing anything related to school and center their lives around the latest video game craze.

Granted, I am talking about a small sample of children and teens that I see in my practice.  However, I am quite certain that many parents, teachers, therapists and other folks who work with kids are witnessing this same phenomena.

Boredom is a difficult feeling to be with in the best of situations.  These children have no tolerance for boredom because their continual moving from one level to the next or being bombarded with YouTube videos or Disney movies puts them in place where the irritation of what to do next is totally avoided.

The screen addiction does not afford them the opportunity to learn how to deal with appropriate ways of dealing with boredom.   We generally learn from our life experiences that boredom is mostly a short lived state that is alleviated when we find something to do such as reading, playing sports or hanging out with friends.

If playing a video game will eliminate the need to discover how to work through boredom, children will forever be staring at a screen and expecting it to distract them from feeling listless and out of sorts.

The need for instant gratification and silencing boredom is also met with drug and alcohol use which is a quick step sideways from electronic addiction.  They both serve the same purpose of avoiding any uncomfortable feelings.

One of those uncomfortable feelings is conflict.  Conflict resolution is an important skill that is often avoided because it seems so complicated and painful compared to being immersed in Call of Duty, Mindcraft or other trendy video games.

While being diligent about moving to the next level in a video game takes perseverance, this skill does not transfer to dealing with achieving goals and functioning in the real world.  The kind of stick to-itness in a video game involves the drive to move to the next level; a tangible gaming goal.

Life goals are usually have more layers than that and need the skill of abstract thinking (the process used in decision making that includes weighing out options.)  Abstract thinking may also include confusion when not being sure about what decision to make.

Being continually immersed in electronics eliminates the experiences to learn abstract thinking skills.  The ability to tolerate and deal with ambiguity does not become ingrained and the expectation of what life should be like becomes highly distorted; the belief that being forever conflict free and always getting their way are ideals they fixate on.

This only enhances the child’s already heightened sense of entitlement; that all her needs should be immediately met and that the world revolves around her.  If she doesn’t receive the latest IPad like all her friends, she displays unhappiness in very unpleasant ways.

Texting is not the same as talking directly to a friend

Comedian Louis CK on a recent Conan O’Brien Show episode shared his dismay about children texting.  He said that kids don’t learn empathy from texting because they learn to put themselves in someone else’s shoes only by talking with them face to face.  They notice their facial expressions and body language when they say something like “you’re so fat”.

If the kid notices that the other child is sad and hurt because of this comment, he will learn not to make these kind of comments again.  However, when you text, “you’re so fat” to a peer, the textor will not witness the other child’s reaction.  Therefore the empathy piece goes missing and the child doesn’t learn how to connect with peers.

Adolescents get into these prolonged arguments with others while texting.  It is so easy to be impulsive and pound out hateful messages on the phone keyboard.  This so called conversation between peers can go back and forth for hours without any resolution. It only ends when one of the parties either becomes worn down by all this sickening energy or finds someone else to text to.

The drama that is created by this process is very seductive because of the adrenaline rush, but in essence it is all without substance and authentic connection with another human being.

Texting avoids having to deal with peers live and direct in person.  This makes it difficult to develop true friendships and work through conflicts together.  These kids are really terribly lonely and isolated.

How do we as Parents Help our Kids Break Free from Electronic Addiction?

• If your child is really addicted, total elimination of electronics is necessary.  If someone is addicted to alcohol or heroin, you don’t give the addict the message that it is alright to consume small amounts of substances.  The small amounts will never be limited with substances or electronics because of the craving for more is what is inherent with addicts.
• Talk to your child’s teachers and tell them that assignments cannot be computer related because your son/daughter has an addiction that will be fed by using the computer for any purpose.  Your child will not be able to stay on task during one of these cyber assignments.  He will end up on a gaming site, Facebook or Instagram.
• Reach out to other parents and have meetings to discuss this issue. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed because your child has this problem.  Lots of kids are addicted to electronics.  Parents need to support other parents in this endeavor.  If one parent bans electronics, kids will then leave their homes (an unusual occurrence for electronically addicted children) to use phones, computers at other kid’s dwellings.
• Insist and help your child find alternatives to electronic addiction such as sports, reading, building models, listening or playing music and calling friends to play outside.
• Advocate for a national campaign to bring attention to how pervasive and serious a problem electronic addiction is for children. These young people will be running the country one day and government shut down may become permanent.  While tuned into this world of cyberspace and data communication, kids feel like they are in heaven.  They really are in hell.

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