Intrusive thoughts are those thoughts that enter your mind and may cause anxiety and hyperfocus on those thoughts. These thoughts...
Blogs
Recovering from being told I was Stupid
We have finally had lots of sunshine the past few days crunched between days and nights of high winds, rain...
Facing Grief in Covid Times
My father died suddenly almost 56 ago. He was 56 when he died, and he would have been 112 years...
Creating Safety
Every day we see the headlines and read the newsfeed – the latest Corona surge is running amuck; the most...
The Benefits of Long-Term Therapy
There does not seem to be an agreed upon definition of long-term psychotherapy. I have been a psychotherapist in private...
Acceptance: Deciding to Put Traumatizing Memories to Rest
Acceptance is a loaded term in American society. Many suffer from what I call the closing credits syndrome. This happens...
Life Lessons Learned during the Pandemic
I am looking out the living room window. Nobody is on the street and the quiet is daunting. It is...
Promise of Better Days Ahead: Part 10 Seeking Safety
I wake up in the morning religiously at four thirty AM. I have no need to get up that early. ...
How White People Will Benefit from Fighting Racism
It was sometime during 1969 at my house in suburban New Jersey. I was eighteen years old and one...
DV(Domestic Violence) Poem
This poem is dedicated to all the women I have known in my personal and professional life who have been...
Dealing with Shelter in Place, Stay at Home Orders: COVID-19 Crisis
Many states now have issued Shelter in Place, Stay at Home Orders as ways of preventing the spread of the...
Discovering that you are Worthy
Feeling unworthy can adversely affect the quality of your life. Read on to examine this issue. Ask yourself these questions:...
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What does Loving Yourself Mean and Why is it Important?
The words come through the self-help airwaves and from the world of social media: You must learn to love yourself to feel good about who you are. You hear these words and immediately feel like a failure. You don’t believe that you love yourself. You imagine that those who truly love themselves smile all the time because they have discovered ultimate peace and self-actualization (whatever that means). People who love themselves never worry or become
Traumatic Memories that Remain: How to Move On
I was watching the Marvel TV show Luke Cage scenes where Luke’s dad put his arms around him and apologized for not being there when he was a child. I started tearing up when I realized I never had this moment with my dad. The pain was felt deep inside with the understanding that I would never have that connection with him because he died fifty-two years ago. Why does this loss seem to be
When Letting Go of Anger isn’t Possible, Helpful or Desirable
My name is Bob Livingstone and I have been a psychotherapist in private practice for thirty years. I work with children, teens and adults in The San Francisco Bay Area. I continue to work on my own struggles, roadblocks, insights and dreams. Today anger is raising its unruly head. I am on a five mile run and Bruce Springsteen’s “Independence Day flows through the head phones. Bruce sings about his father, “They ain’t gonna do
It’s Time to End this Relationship: Learning Not to Care
You have been in a close relationship with a lover or friend for a long time. Extreme effort is put forth trying to improve communication and mutual understanding. Sometimes he seems to get it, if only for a moment. Guilt overwhelms and confuses you. You try so hard to connect with his sense of decency. Now you are wondering if he has any decency in his being. He continues to be hostile and forgets the
Honor Your Traumas, Losses and Heartbreaks
What does it mean to honor your traumas, losses and heartbreaks? Honoring is acknowledging the anguish you have experienced. Honoring marks the horror, sadness and anger when the event first happened. It celebrates your recovery process. It is a time for telling your story about the trauma and to discuss how you overcame the obstacles. It is a time to look at the painful memories and express your feelings about them. You may want to
Anger triggered by Anxiety Remedy
Anxiety is experienced by forty million American adults. It can be overwhelming and effect mood, confidence, relationships, appetite, and sleep. It may be part of your being that exists in the background of your life. It steps forward and takes over when triggered by an external event such as being disrespected, ignored or rejected. Anxiety can quickly transform into anger when you may raise your voice and scream at loved ones. You may make nasty,
Transforming the Fear of Abandonment through Sandtray Therapy
The following is a composite case study of several clients. Joy is thirty-nine years old and is single. She is divorced and has a female child, age seventeen. She has been in a relationship with John for the past two years. She is a self-employed accountant and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. She is of mixed race. Her mother was white and her father, black. Her mom is deceased and her father lives
The Myth that we get over Loss and the Truth that we can Find Peace
The message that is shouted out to us from a very young age is that “you need to get over it”. This directive means that you aren’t to dwell on any loss more than a couple of days. You are supposed to move on with your life (whatever that means) and not “dwell” on sad thoughts and feelings. We hear these false narratives: When one of your loved one’s dies, a couple days off work
It’s Time to Stop Playing the Victim Card
You may find this blog to pertain to you or others in your life. You may find the beginning to be harsh and judgmental, but please stick with it because it does offer healthy solutions. I have compassion for all those who identify as victims and want to be a catalyst for positive change. You are playing the victim card when: You blame all your troubles on others. You are immersed in ongoing conflicts that
Facing Internalized Self-Hatred
Internalized self-hatred is the owning and acting out of a stereotype that has been created about you. You may or may not be aware of this phenomenon. Internalized self-hatred can be experienced by People of Color, The LBGQT Community, Jews, Muslims, Women, The Disabled other oppressed and vilified people. Examples of self-hatred: A black man who believes the stereotype that African-Americans’ intelligence is inferior to whites. He doesn’t bother to study for his finals because
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