Intrusive thoughts are those thoughts that enter your mind and may cause anxiety and hyperfocus on those thoughts. These thoughts...
Blogs
Recovering from being told I was Stupid
We have finally had lots of sunshine the past few days crunched between days and nights of high winds, rain...
Facing Grief in Covid Times
My father died suddenly almost 56 ago. He was 56 when he died, and he would have been 112 years...
Creating Safety
Every day we see the headlines and read the newsfeed – the latest Corona surge is running amuck; the most...
The Benefits of Long-Term Therapy
There does not seem to be an agreed upon definition of long-term psychotherapy. I have been a psychotherapist in private...
Acceptance: Deciding to Put Traumatizing Memories to Rest
Acceptance is a loaded term in American society. Many suffer from what I call the closing credits syndrome. This happens...
Life Lessons Learned during the Pandemic
I am looking out the living room window. Nobody is on the street and the quiet is daunting. It is...
Promise of Better Days Ahead: Part 10 Seeking Safety
I wake up in the morning religiously at four thirty AM. I have no need to get up that early. ...
How White People Will Benefit from Fighting Racism
It was sometime during 1969 at my house in suburban New Jersey. I was eighteen years old and one...
DV(Domestic Violence) Poem
This poem is dedicated to all the women I have known in my personal and professional life who have been...
Dealing with Shelter in Place, Stay at Home Orders: COVID-19 Crisis
Many states now have issued Shelter in Place, Stay at Home Orders as ways of preventing the spread of the...
Discovering that you are Worthy
Feeling unworthy can adversely affect the quality of your life. Read on to examine this issue. Ask yourself these questions:...
2019
Promise of Better Days Ahead Part 6: Marriage Grows Stronger
It was July 30, 1972. Gail and I were in Salina, Kansas in Sunset Park in the middle of summer in the middle of the country in the beginning of our adult lives waiting to get married. I had a rented Tuxedo with a cummerbund. Gail was dressed in all white. The crowd was Black and White. The ceremony was part Jewish, part Lutheran and part otherworldly. It was at least 90
Loyalty, Manipulation and Setting Clear Boundaries
The definition of loyal according to Webster’s dictionary is: Faithful in allegiance to one’s sovereign government, faithful to a private person whom faithfulness is due and faithful to a cause, ideal custom or product. It is all about being faithful to a person or thing. Do you ever feel that you are being manipulated into being loyal? Does this person deserve your faithfulness? Do you feel that you must be loyal no matter how
Promise of Better Days Ahead Part 5: Overcoming Emotional Abuse
It was fall 1969 and I was in my dorm room at Kansas Wesleyan University. I was a freshman and just received my report card. I got four F’s and a C. I was amazed that I got a C and the professor told me later that I did well considering I only showed up to class occasionally. I treated my dorm room like a hotel where ongoing, excessive partying took place. I had no
Worst and Best Comments you can make to a Grieving Person
I am a psychotherapist in the San Francisco Bay Area and have been working with grief and loss issues for over thirty years. During that time, I have worked with groups and individuals facing death and dying experiences. My clients shared what they feel are the worst and best things people have said to them while they are grieving. Here they are- Worst: He’s in a better place now. This
Part 4: Promise of Better Days Ahead-Quit Smoking Edition
It was November 1976 and I was living in Newton, Kansas. I had just quit my job as Executive Director of a runaway youth agency in Wichita. The corruption by the board of directors made it impossible for me to continue. I was burnt out and felt defeated. This was not my first foray into the non-profit world, but I was tired of the backstabbing, low pay and hope quashing events. I was twenty-five years
Insight is not the same as Healing: Insight is part of Healing
How many times have my clients learned something new about themselves and thought they had discovered the supreme solution to their struggles? How many times have I believed that I emotionally captured the central reason for feeling lost? Yes, it is easy to be excited by new insights about traumas such as child abuse, death of a loved one, parent’s divorce or domestic violence. However, these insights do not prevent the triggers of the trauma
13 Reasons Why Suicide is the Ultimate Mistake
I am a psychotherapist who has been in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area since 1987. I interact with clients, friends, colleagues and acquaintances daily about the state of their moods. I am struck by how many folks are feeling overwhelmed. They are having moments (sometimes more than moments) of depression and anxiety. Statistics show that people attempting to kill themselves and those who do commit suicide are at an all time high
Part 3: Promise of Better Days Ahead -The Heart Edition
Ten years ago, April 15, 2009, I passed out while running and almost died. I didn’t tell anyone about collapsing on the grass for a week. This silence is due to a combination of toxic masculinity and denial. I was terrified two weeks later when my wife, Gail drove me to the Hospital Emergency Room. The nurse strapped me up with the blood pressure machine and no data was transmitted. She thought the machine had
Part Two: Promise of Better Days Ahead
It was San Francisco November 1984. Sometimes glorious weather. Other times cold air blowing through my skeleton structure. Days watching the sun break through fog at Ocean Beach. I was 35 years old and wondering what my career path would be. I had worked for several nonprofit agencies and found them to have chaotic organizational structures that promoted people through its ranks if they were unproductive and noncreative. My bosses rewarded those without any imagination,
Promise of Better Days Ahead
My wife Gail and I drove away from Lawrence, Kansas on June 7, 1979. We drove to San Francisco excited about the possibilities that loomed in front of us. It took us three days to drive through the Midwest plains, the salt flats of Utah and the boringness of Nevada until we reached our destination. I was born in Boston, raised in New Jersey, went to college, graduate school and got married in Kansas. Now
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