“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery None but ourselves can free our minds”-Bob Marley Redemption Song

I was in the middle of my five mile run when a late model SUV sped through the crosswalk while ignoring that I was about to run across the wide yellow lines.  I felt uncontrollable rage from my toes to the top of my receding hair line.  I was not trembling from fear, but from rage.  How can people be so insensitive and thoughtless?

I check inside and realize this anger that peeked out when the SVU almost ran me down seems to always be on the surface and just a millisecond away from bubbling over.

I asked myself while continuing to run through the campus of San Francisco State, “Why am I so angry?”  The responses poured out of my psyche at a rapid fire pace:

“I’m angry because many teenagers commit suicide because they feel like they don’t fit in.”   More than 50% of Transgender youth will have had at least one suicide attempt by their 20th birthday.

“I’m angry that the Republican candidate for president promotes hatred of all who are not white, rich and male.”

“I’m angry at the greed that has grown like a cancer in my lifetime and has become an acceptable family value.”

“I’m angry because many of our children are addicted to electronics.  This is a crisis on many levels-increase need for instant gratification, the destruction of planning skills and the lack of face to face communication.”

“I’m angry because there is a lack of good jobs in this country and a college education is financially out of reach for a huge part of the population.”

The rage boils up and I feel my body shaking with powerlessness and defeat.  My heart erupts in utter sadness and I cry. I watch and feel the tears run down my face.  My tears are comforting and lead to understanding this experience.

Underneath the anger is a deep grief for all that has been lost.  The anger is triggered by the sense of loss and powerlessness.  I, like most of you have been terribly wounded by selfishness that is supported and sanctified by the leaders of the USA.  The sadness is felt on personal, community, political and global levels. I need to run on the back streets where no one will see the pain through my tears.

I don’t want to feel angry or on the verge of rage all the time, but my outrage feels righteous and I don’t want to repress any of the thoughts or feelings associated with this.  I realize that I am most angry at the cruelty life can dish out without warning or reason.

I now have these thoughts:

“I will allow the anger to run through me and follow its transformation to sadness.”

“I will accept that experiencing feelings of anger and sadness are parts of the human experience and actually cause me to feel more alive than if I choose to be numb.”

“I will make a concerted effort to reach out and talk with others who are experiencing similar feelings I am having.  This will make me more connected and lift hopelessness.”

“I will attend demonstrations and stand up against injustice as often as I can.  This will make me feel that I am part of the struggle and will break down my sense of isolation.”

“I will view my experience of anger as an act of freedom and be thankful that I can feel rage and joy.”

Dear Readers,

Please share your experiences with anger and sadness below or https://www.facebook.com/HealingEmotionalPain   Thanks!!!

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