Hi, my name is Bob Livingstone and I am a psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I have been fortunate to have worked with many around the issues of grief and loss for the past thirty-two years.

I chose to specialize in this area because my father died suddenly when I was fifteen.  I am sixty-eight years old and at times I’m still baffled and torn up inside about this pivotal event. At other times I feel like a together human being without self-doubt and what-if thoughts.

I don’t how I will be feeling when I wake in the morning.  I don’t know if I will gather any new insights during my morning run while listening to the latest playlist.

Today I had a revelation while running around San Francisco State.  I realized that I have ceased wondering what my life would have been like if my dad lived longer.  I decided to end this painful wondering because there is no answer to that question. Nothing is going to change the history of his life and death.

I feel a sense of relief with tinges of sadness, but mostly this insight propels me to focus on the here and now.  That includes:  Life with my wife of almost forty-eight years, Gail; Writing blogs and books, Playing Guitar and Afro-Cuban drumming; hanging out with friends/family and continuing to become a better therapist.

I also have stopped beating myself up because there are not many happy memories of my teenage years that I remember.  I see photos of my father and mother being affectionate towards me, but I have vague memories of my dad hugging me.

I think my amygdala sensed danger whenever I would have feelings about missing my dad right after he died.  I didn’t feel safe experiencing these vulnerable feelings. This reptilian part of the brain sensed danger whenever I would begin to have sad feelings about him.  The fight or flight response would kick in and all those tender emotions would get knocked out of the park like a Barry Bonds home run.  I learned to live in numbness for a long time.

So, my grief was interrupted for many years.  Memories were shredded and self-confidence took one major hit after another.

Now I try to help others calm the amygdala and face their grief with dignity.   As I learn more about my own journey, I can teach these skills and insights to others.

So, am I a grief expert?  No, there is no such person.   That is like saying that some famous self-help guru is a life expert.

Are there different stages of grief?  I think not.  By Questioning if you are in denial or anger (or some other stage), you will be missing what is going on inside you.  You may be experiencing numbness, rage, hopelessness, disconnection, lack of direction, hate, fear, love, tenderness, or some other feeling.

There is no order to them and there is no class you can take. How I can get through the Grief Process in Thirty Days or Less may exist, but it probably should be a course at Trump University because of how deceptive the title is.

A grief therapist who really knows her stuff maybe of huge benefit to those mourning.

Grief support groups can also be beneficial.

Talking with trusted friends who have experience with loss can also be helpful.

Grief evolves, it doesn’t ever end.  It fades and it can play a less disruptive role in life as time flies by.

We muddle through grief and do the best we can.

We unite with others who have similar experiences.

We’re forever connected through love.