How many times have my clients learned something new about themselves and thought they had discovered the supreme solution to their struggles?

How many times have I believed that I emotionally captured the central reason for feeling lost?

Yes, it is easy to be excited by new insights about traumas such as child abuse, death of a loved one, parent’s divorce or domestic violence. However, these insights do not prevent the triggers of the trauma from reoccurring.

Here is an example of this phenomena:
Jane(fictional character) is 45 years old and has a history of being abused by her father. He used to physically beat her when she was a child. His domestic violence would occur without warning. She has felt consistently frightened, suffered from low self-esteem, problems with intimate relationships, and experiences intense anxiety.

Jane has been in therapy and she had an insight that the violence she suffered at the hands of her father caused her to engage in conversations with men designed to ensure her safety. She would make sure she complimented them often. She would show interest in his life and didn’t seem to notice that he showed no interest in hers. She was now becoming aware that this tactic caused her to feel diminished and invisible.

She was happy that she had this revelation. Now, she believed the rest of her recovery is all downhill. She thought it would be easier to face because she now understood the reasons for this core behavior.

Jane is a brave woman. It is indeed wonderful that she had this realization and was beginning to connect the dots after years of feeling dazed and confused. This is not the end of her struggle because she will continue to become triggered by situations that remind her of her father’s abuse. These situations will also bring up more memories and insights regarding how her father’s wrath affected her.

The horrible memories will not go away, but you can learn to not be as adversely affected by them by using the techniques below. The recovery work may also lead to the memories feeling more distant and not right in your face. Your unhealthy reactions to these memories can change to healthier ones.

Insight is not the same as healing, but it is part of the healing process. Healing emotional pain will be enhanced by the following techniques:
Partake in activities that help you love yourself such as playing a musical instrument, writing about your experiences, paint, listen to music that moves you and practicing spiritual/religious belief that is uplifting.

Exercise regularly because not only will it improve your physical conditioning, it will lower your anxiety and depression without the side effects of medication.
Write down positive affirmations and read them regularly.

Take deep breaths when feeling anxious, confused, angry or out of sorts.

Keep a journal to document your feeling and thoughts about your struggle.

Notice how strong you have become. When you first began this recovery process you couldn’t tolerate the abusive memories and would shut down or escape through drugs or alcohol. Now you can hold the pain and look at it with out turning away. You no longer blame yourself for the trauma. You blame the person who actually hurt you. Recognizing your internal courage will lead to hope for a better life.

Go to therapy! There are a number of therapeutic modalities that can assist in the healing process. CBT(Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), EMDR(Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Sandtray therapy are a few of them. Forming a trusting relationship with your therapist is essential for healing.

Dream your dream and live your dream.

Perhaps most importantly: BE PAITENT WITH YOURSELF. Healing is a long-term process that can be exciting and invigorating. It will also be painful and at times overwhelming.

I look forward to your comments here or on https://www.facebook.com/HealingEmotionalPain/.   Thanks