How can you tell if your caring for a friend, lover, or family member has turned into an addiction also known as co-dependency? Being co-dependent is a means of survival in the world. This doesn’t brand you as a bad person. You’re struggling to find a new path. I hope that the following will help you begin to make a change.

According to Mental Health America, “Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.”

Here are some warning signs that you may be co-dependent:

You become obsessed with helping a friend even though he tells you very clearly that he doesn’t want your assistance.

You become comfortable in the role of “therapist” to your family members and one day realize that none of your family members are there for you in that way or any other way.
You don’t focus on any of your needs or desires in this relationship. You only think about how you can help her work through her issues. You don’t spend one second wondering why she hasn’t reciprocated.

Your time spent pondering other’s problems prevents you from dealing with your own troubles. These problems may include unresolved childhood trauma, unsatisfying relationships and lack of self-confidence.

Your feelings get hurt when your friend doesn’t follow your advice. You become so emotionally invested in him following your directive, that you lose sight that he has no interest in your version of self-improvement.

You lose patience with a family member when they don’t listen to you. You insult them and are surprised when they refuse to speak to you.

You tolerate a partner who verbally berates you and physically assaults you. You blame yourself for the abuse you suffer when it is NOT your fault.

You are reluctant to obtain help for yourself because you have been taught that it is shameful to look at this addiction. You’re are ashamed that you fall short in helping others and deep down inside you know there is something terribly wrong with you. You don’t believe you deserve help because you are not worthy of it. You have been taught that a strong person never asks for assistance.

Steps to take in moving away from addiction to a person-
Realize that you are in a co-dependent relationship and take concrete steps for moving out of it. They are:

When you start to think about this person, choose not to think about how you can “help” her. This takes time away from you working on yourself. You may have wanted to change careers for a long time, but this preoccupation with your friend has filled up all the space in your heart and head.

Folks who are co-dependent usually don’t have strong and clear boundaries. It is time to formulate them. The first boundary is to be clear what role will you be playing in this person’s life. Will you continue to try to be his savior? If so, you will be stuck in addiction for eternity. What can your role be with him? Can you tell him he needs to go to therapy and if he doesn’t do so, will you stop asking?

If you decide not to push him to obtain help, you are not abandoning him. You are setting a boundary. You have told him how you felt and if he chooses not to take your direction, your role of helper has ended.

It is time to move on to other matters that include your dreams and desires.
You may find that the relationship you have with this friend, family member or lover is unhealthy for you. It may be time to end this toxic relationship and choose positive mental health.

Go to therapy to examine why you’re prone to being addicted to others. Women are trained to be care takers and are seen as selfish if they tend to their own needs. There is also usually a family history of co-dependency. Focusing on others is also a means to distance yourself from emotional pain. Exploring the emotional pain can help you feel free.

Attend CODA{Co-dependent Anonymous} Groups. You will find others who are struggling with similar issues who are willing to share their experiences.

Exercise regularly. This will help you build confidence and alter your brain chemistry in order to face emotional trauma.

Write down how this blog post applies to you and how it doesn’t. Please share it below or at https://www.facebook.com/HealingEmotionalPain Thanks!!!

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