My name is Bob Livingstone and I have been a psychotherapist in private practice for thirty years. I work with children, teens and adults in The San Francisco Bay Area. I continue to work on my own struggles, roadblocks, insights and dreams. Today anger is raising its unruly head.

I am on a five mile run and Bruce Springsteen’s “Independence Day flows through the head phones. Bruce sings about his father, “They ain’t gonna do to me what I watched them do to you.” I believe he means he won’t let the grind of America beat him down like it did his dad.

This line immediately sinks into my heart and rage boils throughout my body. I think about my father and his death that happened over fifty years ago. He had a stroke and two days later he was dead.

Every supposedly supportive system failed my mother, sister and me. The medical establishment in the form of his doctor knew he was dying but didn’t offer any help to my dad or the rest of us. The hospital would not let any of our family see him while he was dying in the intensive care unit. The rabbi at the funeral was disgusted that my father didn’t have a Jewish name and made that point clear in his tone-deaf remarks. The grave was still being dug while the service was going on. No respect. No dignity. I’m still so angry about this. I’m crying those deep kinds of sobs and my hands are clinched in a tight fist.

I have been triggered by injustice ever since. Every time I hear about the brutality People of Color, Gays, Lesbians and Transgendered folks experience, I become enraged.

Other things that trigger outrage for me:

Why should my friends find themselves facing life threatening illnesses when they have done so much to bring goodness to the world?

Why should of any of my clients have had to suffer from abuse when they were so innocent?

Why are people forced to live on sidewalks in the richest country in the world?

I sometimes wonder what doesn’t trigger me.

Some would say, “Your father died a long time ago. You should be over this by now.”

My reply is that you never get over trauma; that the goal is to find a safe place to hold the anguish inside. However, events, comments and songs can bring up painful memories that create intense feelings. Anger is one of them.

Anger is welcome when it is righteous indignation. It makes me feel connected with others who talk about their losses. It allows me to feel connected with my father and grateful for all the love in my world.

Anger becomes overwhelming when it turns to bitterness and affects my day to day functioning. The goal isn’t to get rid of the anger. The goal is to understand and honor it.

Do I sometimes wish I could undo all that happened around my dad’s death? Of course. I realize that I cannot change what happened then, but I will stand up for all those I care about to ensure that they aren’t shamed, humiliated or discarded.

Some say that they have let go of anger when they are stuffing it down with alcohol, drugs, porn, video games, reality tv or food. Others store it away inside where they don’t have access to it. Anger is not to be discarded or pushed away. It needs to be brought into the light, discussed and embraced.

Some people will displace their anger; take out their rage on someone who has nothing to do with their hurt. They continue this cycle until they push away all those who are close to them.

When anger takes over my life I do the following:

Become aware what is causing the anger.

Affirm that I have the right to be angry.

Let the angry feelings run through my total being.

Acknowledge what I have been through and all that I have done to heal.

Give myself an internal hug.

Allow the tears to fall.

Be with the sorrow and hurt underneath the rage.

Move through the anger by running, playing guitar or drums, going for a walk, calling up a friend, writing blogs, composing songs, writing a book, talking with my wife and staying in present time.

Love my Life.

Raise my hands to the sky and smile.

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