Many adults are finding themselves questioning if they want to continue the lifestyle that they have worked so hard to attain.  Men and women have pushed themselves to obtain advanced college degrees from prestigious colleges.  They have bought multi-million dollar homes in the suburbs.  They have two teenage children who are not flawless, but are basically good kids. They get along fine with their partners.

However, there is a feeling in the background that something is terribly wrong.  What’s missing?  What needs aren’t being fulfilled?  Is running on this fast moving treadmill mentally healthy?

Barbara was feeling like a tornado ran through her psyche as she began to talk to me about her high strung life style.  She has worked at the same high-tech company for ten years. She makes nearly $200,000 per year, but complains that her hourly wage would not be very high because she works more than sixty hours a week.

She complains none of her free time is really her own.  Her supervisor expects her to be near her phone and email 24/7.  When she goes on vacation, she is required to check her texts, emails and voicemails throughout the day.  She can never really just turn work off. Barbara is exasperated when she says, “Work is always the central focus of my life.  It is a miracle that I haven’t burnt out, but I guess I don’t really know what burnt out means. I just put my head down and grind it out like a football lineman.”

She says that her need to maintain her lifestyle overrides the burnt out mind set. She says that her husband’s job is similar to hers where all his time is connected with work. She would like to discuss this in depth with him, but there is never enough time.  She has learned to expect that her kids and husband will mostly have brief contact throughout the day.  Most conversation will be devoted to making sure the kids are staying on track academically.

Is it time to consider an alternative life style?  Is she getting her needs met through this daily intensity?  No, she is not.  Barbara realizes something is missing.  She is not sure what the void in her life is, but she knows that personal freedom and fulfillment are not happening.

Here are some steps she can consider taking:

1. She and her husband could decide to cut expenses by downsizing their home, sending their kids to public school instead of private.
2. Both parents can attempt to work part time instead of full time.
3. She and her husband could talk about their current values. Is it more important to spend time together than working together?  Is it more important to feel close or to feel financially wealthy?
4. They could talk about how they would like to spend their time. Do they want to work until they are totally mentally and physically spent or are other endeavors more important?
5. They could ask each other how they would like to spend their time. Barbara says that she would like to play guitar and to walk in nature for hours if she so desired.
6. Barbara shares that she has a need to give back to the community and there are many homeless folks who could use her help.

Dear Readers,

Please share your experiences with these issues below or here  https://www.facebook.com/HealingEmotionalPain   Thanks!!!

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