You met Jerry and Loraine in the first part of this story.  Part one ended with Jerry leaving Loraine in the coffee shop.  He told her that he could not continue a friendship with her while she was drinking and doing drugs.  He felt he could not expend any more energy on his friend who seemed intent on destroying herself.  She displayed no evidence that she was ready to enter a sobriety program. Loraine cursed at him when he left and declared his abandoning of her was like all the other men she had known.

Her words hurt him to the core and he knew that he had to cut off his relationship with her.  He was afraid he would get swallowed up in her anger, sadness and substance abuse.   Jerry was often tempted to call Loraine, but he didn’t give in to impulse.  He missed her kindness and support.  He felt the hole in his heart where she used to be, but he knew he couldn’t afford to enter her self-destructive world.

He went to Al-Anon meetings at least once a week and learned that many others were experiencing the same feelings he was.  Was he really abandoning her or would continuing the relationship only be enabling her to stay of the same drunken path?  He didn’t know what to do so he waited to see if she would contact him.

One night six months later she called Jerry and asked if they could meet at their favorite coffee shop.  Jerry hesitated because he was uncertain of what step to take here.  If he met with her, would he then resume this chaotic and painful relationship or is a possibility that she has changed?

He thought about how smooth his life had been going since he didn’t have to deal with the stress of the relationship with Loraine.  He just got promoted at his job and his relationship with his children was stellar.  He had met someone he believed he was falling in love with.  Did he really want to take the chance of messing that all up?

He decided to throw caution to the wind and said to himself that everyone deserves a second chance.

He walked into the naturally bright coffee shop and sat down across from Loraine.  She looked better than months before.  Her eyes looked bright instead of eternally tired.  Her spirit seemed up beat and she smiled when she faced him.

She stated how glad that he showed up and she wouldn’t have blamed him if he stayed home.

She said, “I want to share what has been going on with my life since we last saw each other.  First of all I want to apologize for how harshly I treated you while I was drinking and snorting coke.  I remember telling you that you had abandoned me and that you were just as thoughtless as all the other men in my life.  That statement wasn’t honest and was a hateful, reactionary attack.  Is it alright if I continue? “Jerry nods his head yes.   “My husband walked out on me and never told me why he was leaving.  This left me scared and alone.  I was frightened much of the time.  I was scared of any noise in the house.  I would hyperventilate and pass out.  I found the numbing effects of alcohol to be comforting.  It would shut down all the terrifying noise in my head and I could sleep again.  Wine became my best friend and the cocaine kick started my brain in the morning so I could go to work.  All this drinking and drugging covered up my belief that I was inferior to almost everyone.  It numbed out the knowledge of how lonely I was.  I felt so all alone and I would cry myself to sleep each night.  I had a hard time taking care of my children so I sent them to live with my aunt.   I would have thoughts of being abandoned by my mother when I was a teenager and then I had the memory of my husband leaving me.  I wanted to hide but I couldn’t hide from myself and I couldn’t face these feelings either so I drank a couple of bottles of wine every night.  I also did a few lines of coke during the day.  All in all I was a mess and managed to push away all the good people in my life-including you. I really want you to be part of my life again.  I’m so sorry I pushed you away.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I go to AA meetings every day, sometimes twice a day.  I know I have to take care of myself and stop acting liked this martyred victim.”

Jerry feels tears rolling down his face.  He is in a public place, but doesn’t care if anyone notices that he is crying. He readily relates to her fear of abandonment because he also has fears that he will be left alone.  He wants to believe everything she is saying, but he is skeptical about her maintaining sobriety.  This doubting prevents him from getting emotionally caught up in her struggles.   He reaches across the table and holds her hand.  He says, “Loraine, I want to resume our friendship as well, but I am not going to rush into anything.  I am afraid that I will be emotionally buzz-sawed by you.  I will commit to meeting with you here once a month and then we’ll see how things go from there.”

Loraine sighs and tells Jerry how grateful she is to him and the tears are now flowing from both of them.

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