We met Marshall and learned about his parent’s divorce here.   Marshall’s father lives in southern California which is far away from his son’s San Francisco home.   In the previous chapter, we learned that Marshall’s dad had not seen his son for quite some time and this was having a devastating effect.  Marshall wondered if his dad really loved him.

Marshall’s father owns a construction company and he ponders his relationship with his son.  Late at night in the quiet, he wonders if Marshall really misses him or if he is just making believe he is upset at his lack of contact. He thinks his ex wife has major influence over his son and she may be telling Marshall to say he is distraught in a scheme to get increased child support.  He wants to see Marshall, but he doesn’t make much effort to see him.  He is confused by this conflict.

He begins to tell his story:  “I got married when I was twenty-one years old. I had no idea what I was getting into.  I didn’t realize that my wife would be so demanding.  It seemed that no matter what I did, I could never make her happy.  She had this perpetual sad look on her face whenever she would look my way.

About three years into the marriage, I began a series of affairs that were both reckless and senseless.  It was just a matter of time before my wife found out.  It was almost like I wanted to get caught.  I didn’t have the guts to tell my wife how dreadfully unhappy I was.  I felt that words were useless, that I wouldn’t be listened to.

The affairs were all a big blur like an addiction gone out of control.  I felt like a drug addict except my crack was sex.  I was able to escape the empty meaningless world I was living in through these meaningless affairs.  My job as a carpenter was financially successful, but I was bored out of my mind.

We have this child together and I don’t know what my role as a dad is supposed to be. Do I need to be in his life everyday?  Do I tell him the real reasons why his mother and I divorced when I am not clear about that myself? Do I try to teach him right from wrong when I am such a poor role model?

When I was a child my parents either were fighting or giving each other the silent treatment.  I learned to rely on my self. My parents were never there for me.  They were too busy fighting each other.  When I was a kid, I hid in my room and tried to keep me head down.  It’s hard to make any progress in life if your goal is to be invisible.

Sometimes I feel a strong connection with Marshall and I want to be there for him. I know that I really care about him. I am surprised about how strong my love is.  Other times I think about what a failure I am and believe he would be better off without me in his life. Then of course I worry about his mother’s manipulation.  She feels that I am a loser and I am sure she has passed on that attitude to him.  You know I can’t really blame her for feeling that way.  I broke up our family and didn’t fight to save our marriage.

I moved to LA to get a fresh start and get away from a place that brought up horrible memories whenever I opened my eyes.  I didn’t really think about how the move would effect Marshall and my relationship with him.  Sometimes I just don’t think, I act.

The good news is that I love working for myself and feel good about making this choice to form my own construction company.

I just got a text from Marshall asking me to meet with him and his therapist. Wow, I don’t know how to respond to this.  Why does Marshall want to meet with me?  This goes way out of my comfort zone.  My experiences with counselors have been pretty terrible.  My high-school counselor told me I was stupid and I have always believed him to be correct.  I also have always hated his guts.

Maybe this therapist can help Marshall and me.  What do I have to lose? I will start making the drive to San Francisco.”

Read about Divorce Recovery for You and Your Children below.