Are you confused as to what kind of man you want to be? Are you unsure if you want to present the image you have of yourself to the outside world? Are you afraid that you don’t present a masculine enough profile? Do you believe that society dictates qualities and behaviors that a man is supposed to maintain? Do you have many of the following qualities: stoicism, emotional expression limited to anger, drive to win no matter who gets hurt in the process, self centered, a good conversationalist, materialistic, not trusting, avoidance of meaningful relationships, unwilling to admit any weakness, lack of connection with others, devoid of passion, intelligent, never really satisfied with accomplishments, struggling to find meaning in your life, feeling empty much of the time, constantly worried about status and image you present to the community.

Do these traits sound like they live inside of you? If so, congratulations, you are living the dream of the American Man.

The dream of the American Man has a severe downside. The constant worry that exists when you measure yourself against your neighbor’s material assets can cause insomnia, eating disorders and other physical problems. The quest to reach the dream of the American Man causes loneliness and isolation because the American Man is not allowed to let anyone penetrate his emotional armor. He cannot afford to trust anyone because if he lets down his guard, he is in danger of being manipulated by those who can hurt him. This population who pose a danger includes everyone.

The quest to determine what kind of man you want to be is not only dictated by societal norms, it is also determined by the values you bring to the party. Is it important for you to be honest with yourself and others? Is it important to you to feel alive, engaged and full of spirit? Are you confused about what your options are? Are you unsure of what you value most? Is it important for you to stand up for what you believe in? Do you want to be a good man? What does that mean?

Do you feel free? Do you feel that you can be yourself? Do you define yourself on what you think is masculine and what you think is feminine? Do you push away all those traits inside you that are feminine? How do you do that?

Do you have male friends? What do you talk about? Do you want to be the kind of man who doesn’t express his sadness? Do you want to be known as a man who never cries?

OK, enough questions already. It is possible to define a strong man as one who is not afraid to be himself, show his emotions or stand up for an unpopular position. It is possible to gain respect from others and obtain self respect if you are willing to admit when you have made mistakes. It is possible to feel safe without the need to dominate and control others. There are those who appreciate men who show that they are vulnerable and no, you don’t have to be a caricature of Mr. Touchy-Feely. You can discover meaning in feeling deep emotions of anger, sadness and joy. You will not be humiliated by crying if you find real friends while expressing this side of you. You can find your stride and discover that experiencing the full realm of emotions makes your stronger, not weaker.