A recent Newsweek article describes how exercise increases brainpower. I feel that I have certainly experienced this phenomenon by running five days a week, five miles a day for many years. I have recently added two days of cycling and subtracted two running days from my weekly workout.

I feel that physical exercise has improved the clarity of my thoughts and has opened pathways that have greatly increased my capacity for knowledge.

Perhaps the greatest discovery of my life is that exercise heals emotional pain. When I workout, the endorphins kick in and this creates a calm state that allows me to bravely face issues that are troubling. Dealing with this trauma doesn’t seem possible while sedentary. This discovery has been crucial during several points in my life, like now.

I will be fifty-six years old this Friday. As I began my first run of last week, I wondered why I wasn’t feeling excited. After all I have a lot to celebrate. My new book will be published in August and I have obtained accolades for my writing. My marriage is almost thirty-five years strong and my psychotherapy practice is booming. What reasons would I have to feel less than ecstatic?

As I entered the second mile of my run, I faced the reasons for being discontented. My father died when he was fifty-six. What will it mean to out live him?

I was listening to Jimmy Ruffin’s What Becomes of the Broken Hearted on my Ipod. This song came out in 1966, around the day of my father’s death. I realized how much I still missed him and meditated on the fact that I lived most of my life without the love and direction from a father.

It has not been easy and at times I have felt lost and alone without him. I have moved from numbness of spirit to an emotional being who cries easily and the tears are most welcome.

I feel that I have let him go and don’t feel guilty about my dad’s unmet dreams.

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted no longer seems like a dirge that had been the theme song of my life. Now the song is experienced as a rich part of my history that I can feel proud of.

The next day I am riding my bike along San Francisco’s Ocean Beach. It is a clear, beautiful day without a cloud in the sky. The waves are crashing majestically and I am in tears over the beauty of nature.

I am probably going to outlive you, dad. I have learned so much from you after you left us. I learned how much we loved each other. I learned the importance of living in the present and how sacred each moment is.

I sense that it is fine with you if I live longer than you did. The power of love lives forever; even death cannot take it away.

I look into the mirror of my bike and I could swear I see my Dad riding behind me once again waving goodbye.

Steps for using exercise to heal emotional pain:

1. Prepare an emotional pain question before you work out.
2. Ask yourself the question while you are working out.
3. If it is safe to do so, use a voice recorder to express your thoughts and feelings while exercising.
4. If it is safe to do so, listen to music that will evoke strong feelings while working out.
5. Journal your thoughts and feelings immediately after exercising.
6. Re-read your journal immediately before your next work out in order to prepare an emotional pain question.